5 Things: Panthers, Drugs, & Tonya Harding!

1. If Santa leaves a 200 count bottle of Benedryl in your stocking, is it time to go back to the allergy doc?
2. Of all the atrocities in the world today, the one I least understand is that someone pays Tonya Harding & Danny Bonaduce to give their opinions on tv.
Seriously?
3. And then there's Tonya Harding's hair...
4. Thanks, John Fox. The Panthers are clearly not going anywhere near the Superbowl; the least you could have done was lose one more game and assure Carolina a #1 draft pick. But no. So thanks.
5. Dear Jerry Richardson, ...................

On Days Of Old

Do you ever get nostalgic for something that was prime dank back in the day? Something you wouldn't be caught dead owning, but you find yourself sort of missing it?
I was thinking of something tonight that led me to the memory of those t-shirts back in the 80s that had been cut on the hem & sleeves...you know, like, fringed...and each fringe was host to 3 or 4 plastic beads... Remember those? They were usually a bright neon and had some the name of vacation spots that were about as cool as the shirts... Myrtle Beach... Gatlinburg... Cherokee... and the really good ones had some airbrushing involved. Maybe a nice rainbow or unicorn. Man, I miss those shirts. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't dare waste a dollar on one, but I gotta say.... I'd pay ten or twenty to see someone cruisin' the strip in one right now.
Who came up with that crap?? Someone just thought one day, "Man, my t-shirt's too quiet. That sucks. This t-shirt is too cool to be shut-up. It should make some noise. Hey, let's put some beads on it." ...and the life of the bead-filled shirt began. I wonder if they were heavy...from all the beads. And did it not hurt when all those plastic beads slapped your skin? Or did all the flinging fringe serve as little mini-fans cooling you off while you ran? Was it easier to rock a baby to sleep in one because of the rhythmic slap-slap of the beads against one another? Come to think of it, those shirts probably came in handy in a lot of situations. Like keeping bears away. They say to make a lot of noise to scare off bears... and a lot of times when people are confronted by a bear, they forget everything they've ever learned about what to do when you see a bear and they either just freeze or run. You wouldn't even have to think about it in a beaded-fringe-unicorn tee (that says Girls Just Wanna Have Fun on the back); you do the running and the shirt takes care of the noise part for you! Disaster averted. I mean, unless you freeze, in which case the shirt would also freeze, until the bear started eating you...at which point I doubt the beady slap-slap would really be effective. Maybe we should bring them back -I hate to say "in-style" because they weren't so much- but bring them back into existence. I think I might. I could make some bank....there are plenty of young chicklings who missed the first go 'round that would eat them up if I put Justin Bieber on the front. Too bad I missed the "Yes We Can" market. Why didn't I think of this sooner? Man.... Wait, what am I saying?? Ugh! Must. Go. To. Bed.... 2:55am, fever, puking for days does not good business decisions make..but the vision was nice while it lasted.

Football & Dinosaurs, Hooray!

Mad props to the *other* Carolina and *gulp* Steve Spurrier for paying tribute to our troops and veterans by wearing all new uniforms incorporating camo and sporting words like "Integrity", "Courage", "Service", etc., on the back instead of players' last names. Pretty awesome.
I just complimented Steve Spurrier. Ew.

I myself received a football conference championship today thanks to our sweet defense and the best QB in college football history. And I don't mean Tim Tebow. Just look at the numbers... you'll figure it out.

Now.. Dinosaurs. Where to begin? The fact that they're extinct? Or.....that they were humongous and could swallow me whole without chewing? Or....the fact that they're extinct? Or... how 'bout we start with THE FREAKING SCIENTISTS THAT ARE TRYING TO BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE?!?!?!?! Really, guys? That's the best idea you had that day? It wasn't like, hmm, let's cure cancer? It was let's bring back the dinosaurs!!??? Did you see Jurassic Park? I mean, I like dinosaurs as much as the next guy, but I rather prefer them in pictures, you know? Like beside the bones we see in museums. You know, the ones that are about the size of your house? I mean... somebody didn't just wake up one day and say Oooo, I wonder if this'll work? No, someone had to fund that mess. So that means at least two people on this earth thought dinos + DNA = good. Know what I think? I think Mars is gorgeous this time of year. I hear the conditions for breeding man-eating lizards are like, prime. They should totally look into that. I mean, come on... If the goal is to wipeout mankind, they should just vote democrat. Same result and WAY cheaper. Really.

Peace out, y'all.

Yo, Blog!

Hey world, what's up? A friend recently suggested I start a blog, so here we go...

I really want my blog to focus on the many important issues we are facing as Americans right now, so to start out, I have to say I think Ric Flair would be a great addition to The Real Housewives of Orange County. Both his hair and schwanky duds more than qualify him, and to be honest, I bet he's had breast implants. Don't quote me on that; I'm just saying. You may not understand this if you don't live in North Carolina (oops, gave out my location...) and haven't seen the tv commercial for the Ric Flair lottery something or other (to be honest, I can't get past his golden locks and glowing [pumpkin colored] skin to actually hear what he's promoting), but it's true. The resemblance between him and the wives is uncanny.
I know, you're bummed that you don't live in NC and will never see the commercial...
Have no fear! If you don't live in NC - or if you live in NC but don't watch tv (what's wrong with you?) - you can still see the commercial thanks to YouTube and the hoards of others who know awesome when they see it. Check it out...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OnB_jalI4U
I gotta tell ya.... I just watched this 22 times. It's too hard to resist. I don't know where he got that sweet robe, but the angel that has topped my Christmas tree since I was born wears the exact same one. Just watch it and see if you can count all the awesome. I bet you can't.
I'm calling BRAVO. At the very least, maybe we'll see Flair and Vikki WOOHOO each other to death in the ring. Starring Andy Cohen as referee, of course.
I gotta go watch it again....
Peace out, y'all.