Twinsies!

If someone gets a tattoo portrait of their identical twin, isn't that sort of conceited? Like, doesn't that require a disclaimer caption with it, like.. "This is not me, it's my twin."? I mean.... Most people get portrait tattoos so they can have that person "with" them all the time; the tattoo is a permanent reminder of that person. If you're a twin, can't you just look in the mirror? WAY cheaper. Way.

4 Tires Are Better Than 2

So my husband and I just spent 10 days in the panhandle of Florida. LOVE! One night we were driving back from dinner on a 4 lane highway (*highway!*), just cruising at 65 or whatever the speed limit was, the ONLY vehicle on the entire road in either direction, so we're just chillin' and BAM! There's a moped right in front of us. In our lane. Going 20. Seriously. That dude was SO dead if there hadn't been a lane for us to swerve into to avoid turning him into a mancake (get it? pancake? flat? like flat as a pancake? like he would have been if we had hit him?), which brought two things to mind, one of which is some of the best advice my mom ever gave me...
One, Florida and/or the whole world should maybe require lights that are actually VISIBLE TO OTHER DRIVERS if they're going to allow (let's be honest) D.U.Ikes on main roads. I'm just sayin.
And two, (here comes the lesson) I went shopping with my mom a few months ago before an afternoon doctor's appointment. One thing my mom has always tried to instill in me is the importance of being on time. I fail. A lot. A WHOLE lot. Well, basically almost always. OK, always. Always. I'm ALWAYS late. There, I said it...happy? Anyway, I was the chauffer this particular day (because my mom's driving...well...nevermind...*love you!*). I was driving her back to her car and we were on a curvy road. I may have been pushing it a lil to avoid being late (shopping was done on time...but then I *had* to have Kilwin's ice cream), or it may just be that my mother is the most nervous car passenger in history (again, love you!), but anyway, we rounded a curve and BAM! A cyclist (in my lane....going 1/10th the speed limit...but that's another blog, whatever...). Anyway, we rounded a curve and there was a cyclist. Mom jumped in her seat, grabbed the door with one hand and the dash with the other and said, "Don't hit him, you'll be late for your appointment!"
Sweet.

On Days Of Old

Do you ever get nostalgic for something that was prime dank back in the day? Something you wouldn't be caught dead owning, but you find yourself sort of missing it?
I was thinking of something tonight that led me to the memory of those t-shirts back in the 80s that had been cut on the hem & sleeves...you know, like, fringed...and each fringe was host to 3 or 4 plastic beads... Remember those? They were usually a bright neon and had some the name of vacation spots that were about as cool as the shirts... Myrtle Beach... Gatlinburg... Cherokee... and the really good ones had some airbrushing involved. Maybe a nice rainbow or unicorn. Man, I miss those shirts. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't dare waste a dollar on one, but I gotta say.... I'd pay ten or twenty to see someone cruisin' the strip in one right now.
Who came up with that crap?? Someone just thought one day, "Man, my t-shirt's too quiet. That sucks. This t-shirt is too cool to be shut-up. It should make some noise. Hey, let's put some beads on it." ...and the life of the bead-filled shirt began. I wonder if they were heavy...from all the beads. And did it not hurt when all those plastic beads slapped your skin? Or did all the flinging fringe serve as little mini-fans cooling you off while you ran? Was it easier to rock a baby to sleep in one because of the rhythmic slap-slap of the beads against one another? Come to think of it, those shirts probably came in handy in a lot of situations. Like keeping bears away. They say to make a lot of noise to scare off bears... and a lot of times when people are confronted by a bear, they forget everything they've ever learned about what to do when you see a bear and they either just freeze or run. You wouldn't even have to think about it in a beaded-fringe-unicorn tee (that says Girls Just Wanna Have Fun on the back); you do the running and the shirt takes care of the noise part for you! Disaster averted. I mean, unless you freeze, in which case the shirt would also freeze, until the bear started eating you...at which point I doubt the beady slap-slap would really be effective. Maybe we should bring them back -I hate to say "in-style" because they weren't so much- but bring them back into existence. I think I might. I could make some bank....there are plenty of young chicklings who missed the first go 'round that would eat them up if I put Justin Bieber on the front. Too bad I missed the "Yes We Can" market. Why didn't I think of this sooner? Man.... Wait, what am I saying?? Ugh! Must. Go. To. Bed.... 2:55am, fever, puking for days does not good business decisions make..but the vision was nice while it lasted.

Redistribute This....

Unless you were born last year, you are aware of our President's desire and agenda for the "redistribution of wealth" in America (if you were born last year, stop here). From the beginning I have disagreed with the concept for a number of reasons (none of them greedy or coldhearted), but I have since realized that the intent behind the President's push for the redistribution of wealth is in fact, not for reDISTRIBUTION at all. It's reSTRICTION of wealth that he wants. Obama and his fellow socialists in Washington (prove he has no socialist agenda and I'll quit calling it that) have no intentions of redistributing wealth in America among Americans in terms of "spreading the wealth" directly to the people, from those with much to those with none. Their intent, rather, is to restrict wealth among the wealthy PRIVATE* (not government) sector -those who are actually out there WORKING, creating & providing jobs, EARNING their "wealth"- by imposing crippling taxes that the government can collect and distribute as they see fit, when they see fit, and to whom they see fit. Who does this usually mean? Themselves. What Obama, Pelosi, Reed, and the rest of the liberal vultures in Washington want has nothing to do with helping the American people and everything to do with control. MORE control. More control over the American people by enslaving them to a government that determines *what/when/if* they *can/can't* have *this/that/the other*. It is true that we are enslaved to he who holds our debt. It is true in many ways, the least of which is this, which is his intent. Do we accept it or change it? It's our choice, America. And we must choose wisely.

A Not So Beautiful Day

So here's the thing... Lee Dewyze. American Idol. Meh..I didn't watch this season, so I can't really have an opinion on him yet... but I know his first single is a cover of Beautiful Day by U2 which instinctively made me cringe. However, because of my love of all things music and (more importantly) ALL THINGS U2 (!!!!!!!!!!), I had to give it a shot. After all, half of America or something close to, voted for him in the surprise win over expected winner Crystal Bowersox, right? So, off to YouTube I flew, in search of this potential tragedy. My search revealed a few recordings, only two of which I could make it through (actually, I couldn't make it through the whole song in either case). First, his performance of Beautiful Day on the American Idol finale. Tell me the people who voted for him did so before this. Please. *Please*. Otherwise, it is clear that America has a BIG problem. I don't remember how far I got into this version before I started wailing, trying to plug both ears with one hand while frantically pounding the "back" button with the other. Dear crap, are you serious??? (no offense, dude)
Version 2 found me sneering at Meredith Viera as she introduced Dewyze (do you have to pay for a name like that?) on The Today Show, performing the U2 cover live. With every muscle in my body clinched tight, I prepared for the worst. But after just a few notes the tension eased and I relaxed into the gentle sway of Beautiful Day, the acoustic version. Just Dewyze and his guitar, accompanied by piano, and a quasi-folk feel-good groove flavored with a raw, husky swirl of a voice. Very appealing. Very chill. Very me... For a second. Then my brain came to, snapped out of the drunken state of bliss it often escapes to when guitar and voice combine, and I remembered what song he was singing. EW!!! Seriously? This is U2, dude. Ugh!
I mean...kudos to the kid for winning American Idol, and kudos for rockin' a pretty sweet acoustic version of the song, but we're talking U2. Period. You don't cover U2. Period. I begrudgingly admit the acoustic arrangement was clever and even kind of beautiful, but there is never....never, ever, ever....a proper occassion for U2 to sound like John Mayer. Ever. There is a genius about this band of Irish boys...a wisdom, crafted over decades of pain, love, and fear...of celebration and condemnation...that goes into every song they will ever sing. Not just the lyrics, not just the tune, but the the entire arrangement of a song; from its conception to the moment crowds of thousands sing along as it is sung live, on stage (by Bono, that is)...that makes each song a special gift. A gift so good, so real, so beautiful, that it can't be recreated.
Sooooooo, A+ for effort, kid, but I'm afraid this just proves the saying, "often imitated, never duplicated". When it comes to covers, step away from the Irish rock band. Or you might get hurt.

Soooo, I got my new driver's license in the mail today and..........

Dear Old North / Tarheel State,

1. Someone makes a double stick tape that will attach my license to the piece of paper to which you must attach it to send to me (since your new super secret process of issuing my license is now too involved to print it out while I'm actually there, in person, to tell you what all the pretty road signs in the little photo viewer mean, and by "there" I mean in the middle of bum-freaking NOWHERE, 58 turns past Furman Drive where you USED to be, and by the way, maybe send Google your new address because they obviously don't have it) won't leave a nasty residue on my license to which many germs and things will permanently (and ocassionally my fingers when rifling through my purse) adhere. Buy some. And use it.

2. I said lighthouse, not airplane.

3. Because I pay you not only a license renewal fee, but also yearly vehicle taxes, I expect a photo that is at least 3 notches better than a picture my cat can draw of me. I mean come on.. we know it's a digital camera. Really not that hard to say "Ooh.. let's try that again". Takes what, 5 seconds? I mean, this picture is for eight years. Eight years. And a little photoshopping never hurt anyone, you know. But I mean...let's be honest. Photoshopping isn't really even an issue when the actual digital quality of the photo suggests you took my picture with a homemade Quaker Oats box camera.

So anyhoo, my tax dollars obviously aren't being used to pave/patch/fill this great state's road pimples (er, craters?), so using them towards these simple changes would be greatly appreciated, thanksloveyameanit.

OK, Blog.....

I gotta say...... I've been super down & out when it comes to blogging. I want to be naked, free, exposed in my writing, but for the past month or more, every time I log on here to let my feelings flow, I clam up. Shut down. Nothing. Why? What's keeping me, the one who won't shut up, from painting my life, my feelings, in words? Ugh! I feel like..restrained..chained up..ugh.