Global Warming, Schmobal Schmarming...

I'm not even touching the fact that America is going through its coldest, snowiest winter in decades...centuries even. Because that's just..well...funny.

Let's talk carbon emissions (I know..my favorite, too!). Though we're puttering through life the same as we always have, all of a sudden just living our lives is ruining the planet. I don't know about you, but I'm not so much doing anything different in my day to day life than someone who lived the same life 50 years ago. As humans (well, most of us...with some exceptions..Al Franken, Perez Hilton, Bobby Knight...you know) we breathe oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide.... As far as I know that's been the case since Adam & Eve.... except for the fact that now we're destroying the planet with each breath we exhale. K. Right.. So here's my theory on the wacked out environmentalists making that claim (with no evidence that it is actually true)... Being an environmentalist means you have love for our environment, right? For Mother Earth, plants, trees, critters that eat plants, critters that eat the critters that eat plants, and so on... It begins with plants and trees, and plants and trees need carbon dioxide to live...so they can in turn give off the oxygen we need to breathe... So....by demanding we drastically reduce our carbon dioxide output to save the planet (again...no actual real proof of global warming...though there is proof of manipulating data and reporting false statistics, but I digress...), environmentalists are basically asking us to deprive our beloved plants and trees of the carbon dioxide they need to survive in order to produce the oxygen that WE need to survive..... sumation: plants don't get carbon dioxide, they die. plants die, they don't produce oxygen. we don't breathe oxygen, we die. Hmm. So...rather than fighting to save our plants and trees, they are encouraging us to kill them. Not only that, but think of in terms of the food chain: plants die from lack of carbon dioxide, critters that eat the plants die from lack of food. critters that eat the critters that eat the plants die from lack of food.... And on and on and before you know it, where's my steak?? Which brings up another point... meat. All of a sudden (after only..you know...like 2000 years or so), the meat we consume is destroying Planet Earth, so we should drastically reduce our meat intake. Don't get me wrong.... I have had some goooood steak in my life, but never one that was powerful enough to destroy an entire planet! Have we really come to this, America? You want to tell me I can't enjoy a prime rib without thinking I'm harming the environment? And is this an example of the government becoming involved in every part of our lives including everything we eat or drink? Sure, reducing meat intake is only a suggestion right now, but that's how all laws begin. As suggestions.... Look, I love plants and trees passionately..I mean, I'm married to a landscaper, for goodness sake. And I love Earth. A lot. It happens to be the only planet I can live on at the moment... But until someone can show me ACTUAL documented proof that Bessie and her buds are destroying the world, I will continue to eat her rump, shoulder, ribs, and every other delicious part of her. Actually, let's be honest... show me proof that cows are destroying the environment and I'll still want to eat them. Sorry.... HOWEVER, I think there's a solution where everybody wins. President Obama is trying to close Gitmo.... If the detainees go back to their home country, chances are they'll be planning an attack on America 2 minutes after their return. And I certainly don't want them setting foot on US soil, so..... maybe we can spare Bessie and offer up something (someone) else instead? I get to keep my cheeseburger AND I don't get blown up. SCORE!
If you're asking yourself if it's hard to be this smart, yeah, it is.