5 Things: Wrinkles & Rick Springfield.

1. Worst. Year. Ever.
2. Glad. It's. Over.
3. The only thing sadder than the Gin Blossoms being a featured performer for New Year's 2011 (!!!!!) is Rick Springfield headlining the show. Really, Fox?? Really???
4. Speaking of Fox.......congrats, Panthers. You're only about 5 years late with that one. (I'm just sayin'.)
5. I bought wrinkle reducing cleanser and lotion tonight. Thumbs down. Big, fat, wrinkly thumbs down.

5 Things: Panthers, Drugs, & Tonya Harding!

1. If Santa leaves a 200 count bottle of Benedryl in your stocking, is it time to go back to the allergy doc?
2. Of all the atrocities in the world today, the one I least understand is that someone pays Tonya Harding & Danny Bonaduce to give their opinions on tv.
Seriously?
3. And then there's Tonya Harding's hair...
4. Thanks, John Fox. The Panthers are clearly not going anywhere near the Superbowl; the least you could have done was lose one more game and assure Carolina a #1 draft pick. But no. So thanks.
5. Dear Jerry Richardson, ...................

5 Things: Jesus is a Rockstar.

1. If we all worshipped Jesus the way we worship rock stars, singers, actors, & other entertainers, we'd be in much better shape.... Individually & as a whole. Try it.
2. It is a widely spread rumor that the Christmas tree is Pagan in origin, but this is actually a myth. The roots of the tree tradition are actually Christian, and the first decorated tree is reported to have been in Tallin, Estonia in the late 1400s / early 1500s.
3. My sister has been to Tallin!
4. The trumpet part in Handel's Messiah: Hallelujah Chorus. *Sigh*
5. Jesus Christ. Best. Gift. Ever.

5 Things: Saga 1993...She's A Freak

1. A friend read to me today what a high school not-so-much-friend-at-the-time & I wrote about one another in her yearbook and it was hilaaaaaaaaarious!
2. Today I had Campbell's Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup Loaded With Vegetables. "loaded with vegetables" = 1 slice of carrot.
3. I wish I could change something about today.
4. If you're reading this and have pneumonia, eat bananas. It'll help.
5. I really wish I could change something about today.

5 Things: Gobble, Gobble, Oprah!

1. Oprah maybe notsomuch the best celebrity endorsement for Miraclebody jeans... The "Put them on and you look 10 lbs thinner" jeans. Because well...really? I'm just sayin'.
2. Christmas is in 2 days. WHOA.
3. Haven't bought a single Christmas present or card. All the money I would be spending is going to the Thad Vance Benefit Fund to help him fund his un-insured fight against cancer. Cancer sux. You should donate, too. Ask me how.
4. I want to know what goes on in my cats' brains. They crack me UP. One of them has a little routine he does right after he poos. He runs ALLLL through the house at top speed, saying "gobble, gobble, gobble" like a turkey. SO hilarious. He also gets in the shower as soon as someone turns on the water. Weird.
5. Ever notice that the people who defended Bill Clinton for dodging the draft are the same ones who called Bush a draft-dodger for joining the Air Nat'l Guard instead of the Army and said Kerry was the better candidate because he was a war hero...and then voted for Barrack Obama (who never served in any capacity) over John McCain, who spent 5.5 years as a prisoner of war. Hmm.

5 Things: Welcome to America. We have Kellie Pickler & Tonya Harding.

1. A big thanks to my friend Holly for reminding me of the disaster that is Kellie Pickler's "Santa Baby" video. Its single redeeming quality is the red Christmas lights on the floor. Really.
2. Tonya Harding. I just help it. She's just soooo ........ whatever. Maybe its the hair, maybe it's the make-up, maybe it's the collection of rebel flag, deer-head adorned sweatshirts.... I can't resist. She had me at monster truck.
3. I love snow!
4. I'm writing a piece on the INsecurity of the US/Mexican border and what we, as the American public, aren't really aware of in terms of the danger and vulnerability it puts us in worldwide. Hopefully it will be up today at pollytickchick.blogspot.com
5. Leftover lasagna for lunch. See ya!

5 Things: A Ring Around The Moon

1. A VERY uneventful day, brought on by my failure to fall asleep before 6am this morning, resulting in on & off dozing all day. Gross.
2. A loving, extended step-family evening filled with the high-pitched sugar of the voices of children from 5 mos to 13 yrs. Love.
3. Saw the most beautiful ring around the sun from the top of the mountain tonight. It was almost eerie...creepy... but so beautiful!
4. I'm too tired to finish this. You'll get a couple of bonuses tomorrow. I promise.

5 Things: Teck Out Your Choes.

1. My sister spent the night with me last night.
2. My sister woke up at my house today.
3. My sister & I took fun and mildly adventurous pictures in the snow on top of a mountain and may or may not have mildly trespassed on a ski slope. Don't judge.
4. My sister & I had hot dogs for lunch, had the best waitress EVER (who may or may not be a BFF of mine), ran errands & packed her entire apartment into her car for Christmas break. Entire apartment. No, really.
5. My sister is at an Acoustic Syndicate show right now without me and that is really, really, really wrong.

(in case you're wondering, she has a sore toe and asked me where you go to get your choes tecked out....probably a you-had-to-be-there moment. but it was great at the time.)

5 Things: Colder Weather

It's only lunchtime and I already have a full list :) Maybe if you're lucky, you'll get two today. Or probably not.

1. My friend Thad has a surgery date! December 23rd. Shake & bake. Beat it, cancer.
2. Kellie Pickler makes me want to stick a pencil in my eye.
3. I watched a really cool documentary last night on an ex-Amish community and learned a lot. It was really, really good.
4. Do you ever hear a song that hits you like a bat to the chest? Something you want to take and own all for yourself and keep it secret from the rest of the world, so it can be just yours? But then part of you wants to share it so others can have a chance at feeling that same thing? Zac Brown Band & AMOS LEE (!!!) singing "Colder Weather" at the CMT Artists of the Year Awards. Watch.
5. The commercials for ASPCA about abused & abandoned animals break me to my absolute core. I want to take every single kitteh & doggie off the screen and into my arms and home.
6. (Bonus:) There's a dead mouse/chipmunk/something in a wall in my house and it doesn't smell pleasant. I don't really feel the same about it as I do the kittehs & doggies on tv...but I would really prefer it go die somewhere else.
Ok, that sounds mean. I wish it hadn't died. Better?

5 Things: Angels We've Not Heard On High

1. Got the best Christmas card ever from my mom & stepdad. Hence today's title.
2. My cats heard me sing "Coal Miner's Daughter" at least 100 times today at the top of my lungs and not one of them complained once. Not a single time.
3. 10 days till Christmas.
4. Did you know that when your sweaty armpits stink, it's not actually your sweat that smells? Bacteria live there and digest perspirated sweat and the odor comes from what they excrete. FOULLLLLLL.
5. I started a political blog. You should read & "follow" it. pollytickchick.blogspot.com.

Looks like I'm a lil more boring each day... Great.

Tyra, Tyra, Tyra.....

December 14, 2010. 0 degrees. 2 ft of snow. 60mph wind. None of those are in the top 5 awesomest things about my day. Just thought I'd share.

1. (Ok, technically this should have been said yesterday, but I kept it just in case I drew a blank today) Quote: "It's reminiscent of Scotland and all the men there in their Irish kilts." ~Tyra Banks
Do I even need to comment on that?
2. (This is why I had to save something. Absolutely nothing happened today. And let's be honest...that first one is sufficient enough to cover five things.)
3. My sister dyed her hair and it looks su-weet.
4. Ok, so maybe 2 feet of snow on the ground really is awesome......gorgeous, actually. It's the 0 degrees + 60mph winds that are not-so-much awesome.
5. Watched "The Other Guys"... hiLARRRious. I miss Michael Keaton. Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

Introducing 5 Things!

Of all the people in the world, I would have thought I would be one of the ones who blogged and blogged and blogged to her heart's content.....but I can't get into it. I have a ton to say....really, I do. I just can't make it happen. So I'm taking a new approach. I will MAKE myself blog. I will, I will, I will. But here's how it's going down. I've decided that each day (or at least on the ones I feel like it? Wait, no, everyday.) I'm going to share with the world the five awesomestliest things of my day. Maybe something I ate.... Maybe something I saw..... Maybe something I did.... Maybe something I was told.... Maybe something I read.... Maybe something I learned... The possibilities are endless. And awesome will abound. I'm sure of it.
So without further adieu (does that mean without further goodbye?), the innaugural 5 Things:


1. My cousin Daniel's Facebook status (slightly edited for language): "Facebook should have a, Your dumb button." Oh, the irony. (Sorry, cuz...loves!!)
2. Someone married Danny Bonaduce?! On purpose?!
3. I didn't puke once today. (If there had been a "5 Things" yesterday, you would understand why this is awesome.)
4. The highest temperature I saw today was 9. Currently it's 4. 60mph winds. At least 20" of snow. Hurricanes are for wimps. Try it at -15* & dumping snow. Now THAT'S a party.
5. It's my awesomest stepdad's birthday. HaPpY BiRtHdAy, Papa Noyes!

**BONUS!!** (This may evolve shortly to 10 Things rather than 5...) My friend Thad, a.k.a. "Bodie" Vance was given a potential surgery date to remove the cancer in his colon. AWWWWWWWESOME! This maybe should have been #1...oh well..when it's definite, it'll be #1.

I may have overstated the awesome a lil. Except for that last one...that's pretty awesome.

Twinsies!

If someone gets a tattoo portrait of their identical twin, isn't that sort of conceited? Like, doesn't that require a disclaimer caption with it, like.. "This is not me, it's my twin."? I mean.... Most people get portrait tattoos so they can have that person "with" them all the time; the tattoo is a permanent reminder of that person. If you're a twin, can't you just look in the mirror? WAY cheaper. Way.

4 Tires Are Better Than 2

So my husband and I just spent 10 days in the panhandle of Florida. LOVE! One night we were driving back from dinner on a 4 lane highway (*highway!*), just cruising at 65 or whatever the speed limit was, the ONLY vehicle on the entire road in either direction, so we're just chillin' and BAM! There's a moped right in front of us. In our lane. Going 20. Seriously. That dude was SO dead if there hadn't been a lane for us to swerve into to avoid turning him into a mancake (get it? pancake? flat? like flat as a pancake? like he would have been if we had hit him?), which brought two things to mind, one of which is some of the best advice my mom ever gave me...
One, Florida and/or the whole world should maybe require lights that are actually VISIBLE TO OTHER DRIVERS if they're going to allow (let's be honest) D.U.Ikes on main roads. I'm just sayin.
And two, (here comes the lesson) I went shopping with my mom a few months ago before an afternoon doctor's appointment. One thing my mom has always tried to instill in me is the importance of being on time. I fail. A lot. A WHOLE lot. Well, basically almost always. OK, always. Always. I'm ALWAYS late. There, I said it...happy? Anyway, I was the chauffer this particular day (because my mom's driving...well...nevermind...*love you!*). I was driving her back to her car and we were on a curvy road. I may have been pushing it a lil to avoid being late (shopping was done on time...but then I *had* to have Kilwin's ice cream), or it may just be that my mother is the most nervous car passenger in history (again, love you!), but anyway, we rounded a curve and BAM! A cyclist (in my lane....going 1/10th the speed limit...but that's another blog, whatever...). Anyway, we rounded a curve and there was a cyclist. Mom jumped in her seat, grabbed the door with one hand and the dash with the other and said, "Don't hit him, you'll be late for your appointment!"
Sweet.

On Days Of Old

Do you ever get nostalgic for something that was prime dank back in the day? Something you wouldn't be caught dead owning, but you find yourself sort of missing it?
I was thinking of something tonight that led me to the memory of those t-shirts back in the 80s that had been cut on the hem & sleeves...you know, like, fringed...and each fringe was host to 3 or 4 plastic beads... Remember those? They were usually a bright neon and had some the name of vacation spots that were about as cool as the shirts... Myrtle Beach... Gatlinburg... Cherokee... and the really good ones had some airbrushing involved. Maybe a nice rainbow or unicorn. Man, I miss those shirts. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't dare waste a dollar on one, but I gotta say.... I'd pay ten or twenty to see someone cruisin' the strip in one right now.
Who came up with that crap?? Someone just thought one day, "Man, my t-shirt's too quiet. That sucks. This t-shirt is too cool to be shut-up. It should make some noise. Hey, let's put some beads on it." ...and the life of the bead-filled shirt began. I wonder if they were heavy...from all the beads. And did it not hurt when all those plastic beads slapped your skin? Or did all the flinging fringe serve as little mini-fans cooling you off while you ran? Was it easier to rock a baby to sleep in one because of the rhythmic slap-slap of the beads against one another? Come to think of it, those shirts probably came in handy in a lot of situations. Like keeping bears away. They say to make a lot of noise to scare off bears... and a lot of times when people are confronted by a bear, they forget everything they've ever learned about what to do when you see a bear and they either just freeze or run. You wouldn't even have to think about it in a beaded-fringe-unicorn tee (that says Girls Just Wanna Have Fun on the back); you do the running and the shirt takes care of the noise part for you! Disaster averted. I mean, unless you freeze, in which case the shirt would also freeze, until the bear started eating you...at which point I doubt the beady slap-slap would really be effective. Maybe we should bring them back -I hate to say "in-style" because they weren't so much- but bring them back into existence. I think I might. I could make some bank....there are plenty of young chicklings who missed the first go 'round that would eat them up if I put Justin Bieber on the front. Too bad I missed the "Yes We Can" market. Why didn't I think of this sooner? Man.... Wait, what am I saying?? Ugh! Must. Go. To. Bed.... 2:55am, fever, puking for days does not good business decisions make..but the vision was nice while it lasted.

Redistribute This....

Unless you were born last year, you are aware of our President's desire and agenda for the "redistribution of wealth" in America (if you were born last year, stop here). From the beginning I have disagreed with the concept for a number of reasons (none of them greedy or coldhearted), but I have since realized that the intent behind the President's push for the redistribution of wealth is in fact, not for reDISTRIBUTION at all. It's reSTRICTION of wealth that he wants. Obama and his fellow socialists in Washington (prove he has no socialist agenda and I'll quit calling it that) have no intentions of redistributing wealth in America among Americans in terms of "spreading the wealth" directly to the people, from those with much to those with none. Their intent, rather, is to restrict wealth among the wealthy PRIVATE* (not government) sector -those who are actually out there WORKING, creating & providing jobs, EARNING their "wealth"- by imposing crippling taxes that the government can collect and distribute as they see fit, when they see fit, and to whom they see fit. Who does this usually mean? Themselves. What Obama, Pelosi, Reed, and the rest of the liberal vultures in Washington want has nothing to do with helping the American people and everything to do with control. MORE control. More control over the American people by enslaving them to a government that determines *what/when/if* they *can/can't* have *this/that/the other*. It is true that we are enslaved to he who holds our debt. It is true in many ways, the least of which is this, which is his intent. Do we accept it or change it? It's our choice, America. And we must choose wisely.

A Not So Beautiful Day

So here's the thing... Lee Dewyze. American Idol. Meh..I didn't watch this season, so I can't really have an opinion on him yet... but I know his first single is a cover of Beautiful Day by U2 which instinctively made me cringe. However, because of my love of all things music and (more importantly) ALL THINGS U2 (!!!!!!!!!!), I had to give it a shot. After all, half of America or something close to, voted for him in the surprise win over expected winner Crystal Bowersox, right? So, off to YouTube I flew, in search of this potential tragedy. My search revealed a few recordings, only two of which I could make it through (actually, I couldn't make it through the whole song in either case). First, his performance of Beautiful Day on the American Idol finale. Tell me the people who voted for him did so before this. Please. *Please*. Otherwise, it is clear that America has a BIG problem. I don't remember how far I got into this version before I started wailing, trying to plug both ears with one hand while frantically pounding the "back" button with the other. Dear crap, are you serious??? (no offense, dude)
Version 2 found me sneering at Meredith Viera as she introduced Dewyze (do you have to pay for a name like that?) on The Today Show, performing the U2 cover live. With every muscle in my body clinched tight, I prepared for the worst. But after just a few notes the tension eased and I relaxed into the gentle sway of Beautiful Day, the acoustic version. Just Dewyze and his guitar, accompanied by piano, and a quasi-folk feel-good groove flavored with a raw, husky swirl of a voice. Very appealing. Very chill. Very me... For a second. Then my brain came to, snapped out of the drunken state of bliss it often escapes to when guitar and voice combine, and I remembered what song he was singing. EW!!! Seriously? This is U2, dude. Ugh!
I mean...kudos to the kid for winning American Idol, and kudos for rockin' a pretty sweet acoustic version of the song, but we're talking U2. Period. You don't cover U2. Period. I begrudgingly admit the acoustic arrangement was clever and even kind of beautiful, but there is never....never, ever, ever....a proper occassion for U2 to sound like John Mayer. Ever. There is a genius about this band of Irish boys...a wisdom, crafted over decades of pain, love, and fear...of celebration and condemnation...that goes into every song they will ever sing. Not just the lyrics, not just the tune, but the the entire arrangement of a song; from its conception to the moment crowds of thousands sing along as it is sung live, on stage (by Bono, that is)...that makes each song a special gift. A gift so good, so real, so beautiful, that it can't be recreated.
Sooooooo, A+ for effort, kid, but I'm afraid this just proves the saying, "often imitated, never duplicated". When it comes to covers, step away from the Irish rock band. Or you might get hurt.

Soooo, I got my new driver's license in the mail today and..........

Dear Old North / Tarheel State,

1. Someone makes a double stick tape that will attach my license to the piece of paper to which you must attach it to send to me (since your new super secret process of issuing my license is now too involved to print it out while I'm actually there, in person, to tell you what all the pretty road signs in the little photo viewer mean, and by "there" I mean in the middle of bum-freaking NOWHERE, 58 turns past Furman Drive where you USED to be, and by the way, maybe send Google your new address because they obviously don't have it) won't leave a nasty residue on my license to which many germs and things will permanently (and ocassionally my fingers when rifling through my purse) adhere. Buy some. And use it.

2. I said lighthouse, not airplane.

3. Because I pay you not only a license renewal fee, but also yearly vehicle taxes, I expect a photo that is at least 3 notches better than a picture my cat can draw of me. I mean come on.. we know it's a digital camera. Really not that hard to say "Ooh.. let's try that again". Takes what, 5 seconds? I mean, this picture is for eight years. Eight years. And a little photoshopping never hurt anyone, you know. But I mean...let's be honest. Photoshopping isn't really even an issue when the actual digital quality of the photo suggests you took my picture with a homemade Quaker Oats box camera.

So anyhoo, my tax dollars obviously aren't being used to pave/patch/fill this great state's road pimples (er, craters?), so using them towards these simple changes would be greatly appreciated, thanksloveyameanit.

OK, Blog.....

I gotta say...... I've been super down & out when it comes to blogging. I want to be naked, free, exposed in my writing, but for the past month or more, every time I log on here to let my feelings flow, I clam up. Shut down. Nothing. Why? What's keeping me, the one who won't shut up, from painting my life, my feelings, in words? Ugh! I feel like..restrained..chained up..ugh.

And in the things I don't understand category......

Gene Simmons's hair.
And Kathy Griffin's hair, while we're at it.

Kellie Pickler. Yeah, that's right, I said Kellie Pickler.

I was just thinking... people make fun of Kellie Pickler all the time, calling her ditzy, airheaded, whatever, but... I have to stand up for her and say she can't possibly be that airheaded. I mean, she's gotta have a LOT of brain capacity up there to store all that dumb, you know?

Apparently I'm Stupid. If You Can Explain It, You Win!

Two Couples. Couple A and Couple B. Bear with me...

Couple A:
Husband is self-employed, wife is stay-at-home mother for two children, ages 3 and 4.
Monthly expenses paid out of pocket:
Mortgage
Home Insurance
Health Insurance
Life Insurance
2 Car Payments (car 1 is 5 years old, car 2 is 6 years old)
Car Insurance
Power
Water
Cable
Internet
Phone
2 Cell Phone Payments
Food, Gas, Misc.
Charitable Donations
Additional Payments (not all monthly):
Property Taxes
Car Taxes
Fire Tax
Yearly income of husband is less than $250,000 per year. And that's before he pays payroll and payroll taxes for his 2 employees and all the other taxes & licenses associated with his business.
April 15th arrives and Couple A pays approximately $20,000 in state and federal income taxes.

Couple B:
Husband employed by pharmaceutical company with good salary and benefits.
Wife stays home with 2 children, ages 2 and 3. Couple lives with wife's mother rent free. Mother also pays for groceries and everyday living items/expenses.
Monthly expenses out of pocket:
Car payment and insurance on new luxury SUV
Beer & Liquor
Marijuana (no, really.)
Gas
Monthly expenses PAID BY GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS:
Health insurance for both children
WIC
Food stamps
SSI for both children ($300per month!)
And maybe even more.....
April 15th arrives and Couple B receives a tax refund greater than $10,000.00

Er...help?

i really need...

..to write a new entry. but i don't feel like it.

Keely the Kriminal

I haven't felt like writing. I pull up my blog, I see it, and I don't want to write. Anyway...
I totally bailed on jury duty today. Is that a felony? Or a misdemeanor? Or a crime of any kind? I think it is because I think you can be punished for it... We'll say it is. Just for kicks. So I am now officially a criminal! How cool is that? I mean, omg, I'm a criminal!
Ok I'm not a criminal, but I can pretend. And I'm going to. But I should still probably clarify the "bailed (no pun) on jury duty" statement... Even though it will only make me look even less like a criminal and more like the law-abiding bore I actually am. But still... I didn't go, and that makes me like, a rebel. Sort of. Which, I might point out, sometimes leads to being a criminal, so who knows? Anyway... It's not like I was summoned weeks ago and forgot. I mean, I talked about jury duty as recently as last night and forgot. No fault of my own...my brain is just taking momentary leave due to large quantities of stress lately (case-in-point, I just opened the freezer door to remove and fold the laundry that just finished drying). I knew when I woke up I had something important to do today, but when I couldn't remember what exactly it was, I convinced myself it was probably that I had to order bracelets for my mother-in-law. You know, the LanceArmstrongEverybodyHasOneForAwarenessOfEveryPossibleCause kind. She has cancer. And is not doing well at all. So I had the afore mentioned bracelets made with her name to give out to peeps to wear as a reminder to continually pray for/think of her... But I digress. So 3:00 comes around today and CRAP! JURY DUTY! So I pulled out the lil (thanks for the word, Allison) letter they sent me explaining the faithful duty I purchase with my tax dollars and began to read it. Thank God...a whew moment! Not a huge one; more like a minor whew. Like diet whew... Whew lite. Had I (already) read in detail the lil letter my taxes bought me, I would have realized that today wasn't the actual beginning of jury duty. Technically I'm not required to appear until February 8, but today was the day to show up and cry to the judge about why you should be excused ("Your Honor, while I love being a dedicated citizen/taxpayer/native of this great county/state/nation and would consider it nothing less than a great honor/priviledge/blessing to serve in any possible way I can, I just cannot possibly serve at this time because ___________*insert reason here* i.e. hangnail, faulty brakes, What Not To Wear marathon on tv, etc."). And trust me, I was going to ask to be excused. Ask, beg, whatever..same thing. Not for shallow reasons (honestly!), but because I just can't really commit to anything right now while my maw-in-law is so sick. So I called the number that was on the lil letter and the lady who answered gave me another number to call. So I called the number the lady gave me and the lady who answered gave me another number to call. So I called the number the lady gave me and the machine that answered transferred me to a lady (*transferred, not transformed) who transferred me to another lady (*again, transferred, not transformed) named LuAnn Whateverherlastnameis. And this is why LuAnn Whateverhernameis who works for the judge (or clerk or other person) at the whatever office in (or not in) the courthouse is my favorite person today. After she told me the only thing I could do would be to show up on February 8 as instructed and ask the judge at that time to be excused, I asked what would happen (omg would I go to jail?!) if I was out of town that day. This prompted LuAnn to ask my reason for wanting to be excused and when I told her my maw-i-l has stage 4 cancer and may be under hospice care soon, she promptly told me don't worry 'bout a ting, 'cause every lil ting gonna be alright, (singin' don't worry 'bout a ting, 'cause every lil ting gonna be alright). LuAnn ("Lu", now that we're friends) informed me she would call the judge and explain my reason and she had no doubt he would absolutely excuse me and put my name back in the pool (NOT the good kind) to possibly be summoned later. WOOHOOOOOOO! Thanks, Lu, I owe you one! I always knew we'd be great friends...

I have this feeling...

... I have struggled for weeks trying to place it. It's a feeling I have felt before, but I couldn't remember when. Or how. Or why.
But it came to me.
Waves.
Not just waves, but big waves. Powerful waves. The kind of waves that knock you down.send you tumbling.take your breath.beat you up.
Outer Banks waves.
They're big. Powerful. They are their own kind of waves. They pull you down and flip you around. They hold you until you have no breath and then they hold you a little longer. They mock you. Laugh at you. And when you want to give up they spit you out.
Spit you out and laugh at you.
Nothing makes you feel as small and defeatable as Outer Banks waves. If you have felt it before, you know there is no other feeling like it. It stays with you. forever. Always scares you. Always mocks you. Always makes you feel small. Weak.
So weak.
It is always there, under the surface. You forget it while you're gone but when you return there, so the feeling does also. Stare at the ocean. At the waves.
Big waves.
Powerful waves.
Outer Banks waves.
The feeling is there.definitely there.comes rushing back.
Fear
Powerless
Awkward
Humble
Defeat
Small
Inconsequential. All of these things. You know what I mean.
Brought about by just one thing. Those big, stupid, bullying waves. They don't know how to be nice. They only know how to taunt.hurt.defeat.dispose.destroy.
I felt it again. Deep inside, in my core, my very pit of self. The big violent wave, only there was no wave. No wave because I am not there.
I am here.
Here where no waves can reach me.hurt me.mock me.defeat me. But I felt it and it was strange. Strange because I didn't recognize it. I didn't look for a wave because there are no waves here. But somehow the feeling reached me.
Fear
Awkward
Humble
Defeat
Small
Inconsequential. But I knew there was no wave. What was it? How did it reach me? Why am I not protected in this land of no waves?
It is a wave. A big, violent, bullying wave. It knocked me down.sent me tumbling.took my breath.beat me up. But I could see the wave this time and I am not in it. I feel it, but I am not in it. I don't know how.
I see me.
I see me in there.
I see me in the wave.
the big, violent, bullying wave.
But it's not me. I see me in the wave.Ifeelmeinthewave. But it's not me.
It spit her out, just to swallow her again. But I saw her face. In that second it spit her out, I saw her face.
I know her. I know her name. Her name is Mother. But she is not my mother. Not by science. Not by birth. But law has made her so. Made her my mother because she is his mother.
I see her.
I see her in there.
I see her in the wave.
the big, violent, bullying wave.
And I feel her. I am gasping for breath, but she is not. My heart beats faster, but hers is calm. I thrash about, but she is dancing. I am tangled.entangled. But she is free.
I can save her.
I know I can.
I think I can.
Can I?
Come out of the wave. Please come out. You don't belong there. It is stronger than you. The wave is bad. It's bad, come out.
please.
come.
out.
I can feel it. I know how strong it is. I know how powerful it is. I can feel it.
Why can't you hear me?
Why can't she hear me?
I'm out of breath. I cannot breathe. The wave is too strong. But I see the wave, why can I feel the wave? I am not in it, but I can feel it.
yes.
she said yes.

as you feel the wave yet are not in it,

so am i in the wave but do not feel it.

Her face, it turns. I see her smile. Her heart is mine and his and hers and I feel it filling with us.

with years of us.

I see her smile and I know her strength. I see it now and now I know. I see her heart and it is full. I see the wave and it is small. I see in it the things in me.

it is afraid

it is powerless

it is small

it is defeated.

I see the wave and it is small. I see her smile and I know her strength. The wave is strong, but she is stronger.

She makes it take her home and I know that she has won.

Cancer sucks.

Bad.
It's weird... Everyday we go about our lives, performing menial tasks, sometimes being lazy and wasting time... without ever stopping to think that there are people in this world that don't get to waste time. The time for them to waste simply does not exist. There is no "I'll get to that later." ... There is no later. I watched today as my cancer-riddled mother-in-law was told she has 4-6 months to live if she does another round of chemo... or 2-3 months if she doesn't. How do you take that kind of information? Are we really equipped to grasp such a concept? Months. 2-3 months. That's how long I have a cold. That's summer break from school. That's how long you wear a cast on a broken bone. That's like one touch up if you dye/highlight/whatever your hair. My mother-in-law could possibly have her hair done today and not have to have it done again before she dies. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I don't get it. I know I'm not supposed to, but that just doesn't make it better right now. And I know that she can also outlive her prognosis for years. She just might be too stubborn to die yet. I mean, honestly, we were told last April that she would have been gone long before now. It can happen again, and it may. But still.... I just can't wrap my brain around being told you have months to live. On the way to the doctor this morning as we followed my in-laws, I was plucking my eyebrows (I wasn't driving) and the thought occurred to me, "I'm plucking my eyebrows, concerned about my appearance, and the woman in the car in front of me is dying. I wonder when was the last time she thought about her eyebrows?"..... It's just the weirdest concept for me. The first thing I thought upon hearing the prognosis was that I could be pregnant right now and she may never meet her grandchild. Weird. It's weird. I don't get it. I don't want to get it. I don't know. I don't have any more words for this thought process. Maybe I'll finish later...

Dear Mr. President,

When you have a moment, could you please apologize to the world for America being so arrogant that we just HAD to be the first on the scene to aid Haiti with our people, funds, and resources after the devastating earthquake that killed hundreds of thousands of people? Really..our arrogance is SO annoying. You're so right!
Thanksloveyabuh-bye.

Dear Fat/Sloppy/Loud/Obnoxious Girl In Front Of Me At The Cash Register,

I'm sorry that Lane Kiffin's announcement last night interrupted your viewing of The Biggest Loser (because your friend insisted you watch that instead of American Idol...and frankly, you need new friends because clearly she doesn't see that you obviously need one show more than the other), and I'm sorry it is necessary to explain the entire situation in 30 minutes or less (not much less) to whomever it is you are speaking on your cell phone while you dig for change in your purse at the same rate at which a tree would. I am thrilled, however, to learn that you knew last year when Coach Kiffin came to UT, he wouldn't stay and he would be a traitor (maybe you should look into a career as a psychic), and I am happy to know you think you already know who Tennessee will hire, but my mother-in-law is a mile down the road writhing in pain from the cancer that is killing her, waiting on us to bring her this medicine, so if you could just speed it up a notch, that'd be GREAT.
Thanks!
Love,
Keely

I have two words for Harry Reid...

.... Trent Lott.

Here's to hoping the Dems will continue to prove there is (*cough-cough*) no double standard in politics... Surely Harry will apologize and step down like he made Lott do... And surely Al Gore will make mulitiple statements to multiple media outlets about how unacceptable Reid's racist comment was... Surely. Right?

(Dear Allison, skip this post and go straight to the next => )

Reminiscing.....

....about old tv shows I miss.

Mr. Belvedere
Alf
Ethel
Gimme A Break
227
Rocky Road
Mr. Wizard
Facts of Life (thank God for the reunion => )
Quantum Leap
21 Jump Street
You Can't Do That On Television
Blossom
Benson
Kids Incorporated (K! I! D! S!)

A Sign Of The Times.......

Is this what our world has come to? Megan Mullally has been reduced to singing commercial jingles (really bad ones) about butter alternatives? Sad. Sooo sad.

Global Warming, Schmobal Schmarming...

I'm not even touching the fact that America is going through its coldest, snowiest winter in decades...centuries even. Because that's just..well...funny.

Let's talk carbon emissions (I know..my favorite, too!). Though we're puttering through life the same as we always have, all of a sudden just living our lives is ruining the planet. I don't know about you, but I'm not so much doing anything different in my day to day life than someone who lived the same life 50 years ago. As humans (well, most of us...with some exceptions..Al Franken, Perez Hilton, Bobby Knight...you know) we breathe oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide.... As far as I know that's been the case since Adam & Eve.... except for the fact that now we're destroying the planet with each breath we exhale. K. Right.. So here's my theory on the wacked out environmentalists making that claim (with no evidence that it is actually true)... Being an environmentalist means you have love for our environment, right? For Mother Earth, plants, trees, critters that eat plants, critters that eat the critters that eat plants, and so on... It begins with plants and trees, and plants and trees need carbon dioxide to live...so they can in turn give off the oxygen we need to breathe... So....by demanding we drastically reduce our carbon dioxide output to save the planet (again...no actual real proof of global warming...though there is proof of manipulating data and reporting false statistics, but I digress...), environmentalists are basically asking us to deprive our beloved plants and trees of the carbon dioxide they need to survive in order to produce the oxygen that WE need to survive..... sumation: plants don't get carbon dioxide, they die. plants die, they don't produce oxygen. we don't breathe oxygen, we die. Hmm. So...rather than fighting to save our plants and trees, they are encouraging us to kill them. Not only that, but think of in terms of the food chain: plants die from lack of carbon dioxide, critters that eat the plants die from lack of food. critters that eat the critters that eat the plants die from lack of food.... And on and on and before you know it, where's my steak?? Which brings up another point... meat. All of a sudden (after only..you know...like 2000 years or so), the meat we consume is destroying Planet Earth, so we should drastically reduce our meat intake. Don't get me wrong.... I have had some goooood steak in my life, but never one that was powerful enough to destroy an entire planet! Have we really come to this, America? You want to tell me I can't enjoy a prime rib without thinking I'm harming the environment? And is this an example of the government becoming involved in every part of our lives including everything we eat or drink? Sure, reducing meat intake is only a suggestion right now, but that's how all laws begin. As suggestions.... Look, I love plants and trees passionately..I mean, I'm married to a landscaper, for goodness sake. And I love Earth. A lot. It happens to be the only planet I can live on at the moment... But until someone can show me ACTUAL documented proof that Bessie and her buds are destroying the world, I will continue to eat her rump, shoulder, ribs, and every other delicious part of her. Actually, let's be honest... show me proof that cows are destroying the environment and I'll still want to eat them. Sorry.... HOWEVER, I think there's a solution where everybody wins. President Obama is trying to close Gitmo.... If the detainees go back to their home country, chances are they'll be planning an attack on America 2 minutes after their return. And I certainly don't want them setting foot on US soil, so..... maybe we can spare Bessie and offer up something (someone) else instead? I get to keep my cheeseburger AND I don't get blown up. SCORE!
If you're asking yourself if it's hard to be this smart, yeah, it is.

Liberalism and control....? I don't get it.

We start our lives as children of our parents, under their control and guardianship. We obey our parents' rules while we are being raised by them. We reach puberty, enter our teens, and begin to develop our own views, opinions, etc. This is the time we catch our first glimpses of freedom. We sometimes rebel in an attempt to gain just a little bit of that freedom and dream of the day it will be ours. But still, we live in our parents' homes. We go to school when they tell us to. We come home when they tell us to. We do our homework when they tell us to. We eat what and when they tell us for dinner. We go to bed when they tell us to. We wake up when they tell us to. And then we start the cycle again. All we dream of during this time is FREEDOM. The day we are no longer under their control; when we can make our own decisions, even if they are wrong and result in mistakes. Those mistakes evolve into lessons learned; lessons we may have never learned otherwise. We become stronger individuals when we are out from under our parents' wings and must fend for ourselves. No one...no one, once they have achieved their freedom, chooses to go back home to live under their parents' rule. Sure, plenty of people move back home now and then, but you know what I mean. Given the choice of making our own decisions vs. living by decisions others make for us, being in charge of our own lives always wins hands down.
So why is it, then, when the first quarter of our lives are spent in anticipation of this freedom, being in charge of our own lives and out from under others' rule, Liberals want our government to control every single faction of our lives? What kind of car we drive..how much energy we can use...what we eat, what we drink...and don't snub those last two because believe me, our government taking control of health care in this country absolutely means they will determine what we can and can't eat based on nutritional value. Why are they so anxious to have our government so completely interwoven into our entire lives? How can we prosper as individuals and therefore as a nation if we are not free to try new things, new ways, BETTER ways? There is no room for growth, learning, or success when we only do what we are told we can do. No one ever succeeded at anything by simply staying within the perimeters. Nothing was ever invented without the inventor going beyond what he was told he could do. We are being transformed into a nation of mediocrity, a nation where dreams will cease to be, a nation that will never learn how to become better because we are contained within a box of rules and laws and regulation.
Think about it... I challenge you. Think of it in these terms. Having lived on your own, gotten where you are, achieved all you have achieved because of decisions YOU were free to make...would you give it up to return to the rule of mom and dad? That's what we're doing, America. Wake up. See it. CHANGE it.

Dear Blog....

Sorry it has been so long... life has been um.... stressful? lately and I just didn't have blogging in me... so...

Help me out here... Joan Rivers was just detained in an airport for a passport snafu. Joan Rivers. K. Hold that thought.
Christmas day, *insert muslim name here that I'm not taking the time to look up* boards a plane in Amsterdam bound for Detroit with A BOMB IN HIS UNDERWEAR. Granted, the components were separate when he boarded the plane, but still... And apparently, according to eye witnesses on the same flight, Loser al Blah Blah didn't even have a passport when he boarded. Mmmk. That's awesome. What's more awesome is that HE WAS ON A FREAKING TERRORIST WATCH LIST after his father reported him to authorities LAST YEAR because of his extreme radical islamist views.... Still got on the plane. Thankfully the attempt failed when the device did not ignite properly and other passengers took him down before he could try again. The happy ending is that no one was critically injured, no one died, and the families and friends of 300+/- people didn't spend their holiday grieving their loved ones who perished when the plane exploded. Thank God. Really, THANK YOU, GOD. But really... if he had farted just right, that plane and everyone on it were goners. No passport. Warnings to FBI/Interpol/foreign embassies from attacker's own father. TERRORIST WATCH LIST.
K. Now...Joan Rivers. When Joan Rivers was flying out of Costa Rica back to America, she was detained at the airport because her passport listed her deceased husband's last name PLUS her own. As in, "Joan Rosenberg, aka Joan Rivers"... They aren't playing in Costa Rica, they mean business... And in the end, she had to drive SIX AND HALF HOURS to another airport in order to fly home to America. Seriously? Really??? I mean... she had two names on her passport, one of which is the name by which the world knows her. We aren't talking like, Keely Anthony, aka Keely Sisco. We're talking Joan Freaking Rivers. Who doesn't know Joan Rivers? I mean, please. Sure, she had two names on her passport, officials were skeptical of that, yada yada yada. All they had to do was light a match by her face to see if it melted or not. But whatever.
SO. To recap: Muslim with expired visa/no passport on terrorist watch list, reported by father to international law enforcement agencies for extremist views boards plane bound for US with a bomb in his skivvies. Widely known celebrity Joan Rivers detained at airport even though her passport listed not only one, but TWO names by which she is legally known. Ummmmmmmmm...... should I have my common sense meter checked??